Breaking news

Clowns took to the streets to demand an increase in their minimum wages but no one took them seriously.

A lady was denied entry by security guards at the wedding reception because she had dressed to kill.

A controversial bishop has affirmed that all lawyers will go to heaven except the devil’s advocate.

Kenyan Traffic Department has issued a stern warning to all reckless men who drive women crazy without a license

Climate activists are threatening to boycott this year’s Miss World Beauty Contest as most of its hot participants are contributing towards global warming.

Sound engineers are working day and night to find out why bank halls are quiet yet money talks.

A bunch of corpses distancing themselves from Autopsy are planning to hold demos nationwide in what they term ‘infringement of their privacy’

A congregation of staunch atheists stoned a Muslim cleric to death.

A larger-than-life bodyguard lost his job after dodging a bullet that hit his boss right in the face.

Pigs have been voted as the most financial literate animals after endorsing piggy banks.

Priests have increased prices of anointing oils especially the ones with zero cholestrol

A man in his early forties realized he was open minded during a brain surgery.

The eagerly-awaited meeting that was adjourned to a later date really vexed a chronic procrastinator

In a remote high school, a student who’s allergic to sea-food stormed out of the counselor’s office after being told that the world was his oyster.

Citizens of Malawi have been wondering why their Minister of Economy always fly first class in such harsh times.

A group of unemployed youth are wondering why they can’t buy jobs at a work-shop

Rumor mongers have received backlashes from the Deaf community who have vowed never to believe in hearsay.

A 74-year-old woman demanded a new birth certificate from her pastor who claimed that she was born-again after accepting Christ.

A man with financial difficulties was left in tears following rejection of his loan application at the local sperm bank.

Did you know?

A mortuary attendant earns a living by looking after the dead.

With nothing you are nobody, with something you are somebody, however, upon death, both Nobody and Somebody lose their titles are remain just body.

Poor eaters are from rich families.

Braille has the most romantic stories since love is blind

Just like a pair of scissors, you are useless when single

Not every-man is a womanizer; most are just fond of “cats

The devil himself passed through heaven to reach hell

Most ladies with big foreheads are future-oriented.

If a married couple make love on a trampoline, there is a high chance of them getting a hyper kid.

The more soda a woman drinks, the faster she loses her Coca cola bottle shape.

It’s very unfair to judge men with missing legs unless you are able to put yourself in their shoes.

Men around the world treasure their balls because in both good and bad times, they are always hanging there.

Crime

An ARMLESS thug in Kent resisted arrest from police officers who insisted on handcuffing him. It’s said that he was possessing illegal arms.

Jury members could tell the blind man was telling the truth because he maintained eye contact and didn’t blink at all.

During a public speaking contest, one of the most eloquent participants did let out an infamous silent fart that spoke volumes.

Onto Sports;

A man from Calcutta, India, has got into the Guinness Book of Records for being the fastest man to run away from his problems.

Health experts have warned that-running away from one’s problems during hot temperatures will not help in losing calories.

Fitness enthusiasts and gym “rats” are worried of flamingos who have been skipping leg day almost every day.

Sport analysts have agreed that a running stomach shouldn’t be awarded a medal whatsoever.

Onto health matters;

If an overweight person complains of heart complication; you are advised not to take it lightly

An obese man has admitted that he’s not even fit enough to jump into conclusion. Doctors are worried.

Onto Social matters;

“The world would be a better place if all global problems were manufactured in China because they wouldn’t last long – Taiwanese Press.

During a press conference to mark World’s Diabetes Day, the guest speaker received accolades and recognition for being outspoken and stating facts without sugarcoating them.

Two men fighting for peace succumbed to their injuries.

Onto Rumors;

Everyone around the airport was high except the Ground staff

If hell is in a deep pit – how will there be combustion without oxygen?

If You can’t hit a cow so hard. You are a coward 

A man lost both his limbs after being run over by an over speeding electric wheelchair 

Is it healthy to drink spring water during winter? 

Should we treat the dead with some humanity?

She championed for joie de vivre yet committed suicide 

I felt much alive walking along the graveyard

Quote of the day

“Dress for the occasion, undress for fornication”- Fashion Cop

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